so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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