wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
