I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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