the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
