Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
not ubering you a puppy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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