I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
