You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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