Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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