whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
