batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I came so hard my ears popped.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
