Grow some girl-balls and come out already
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
