i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
