we have pet lesbian snakes
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
