He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
