You're my little dorito
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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