1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
