My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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