So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
