Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
