u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
