I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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