Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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