we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
