this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
