Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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