hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
