I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
