i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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