I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
