Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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