That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
