I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
