wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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