well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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