Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
