Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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