I just made out with a guy for $7.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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