Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
