I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
