Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
