thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
