When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
