Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
