FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Life is so much better after having sex.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
