Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
