I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
