You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
