Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
