So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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