Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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