YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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