Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
